I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
