Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
