Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
