I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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