so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
