Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
