Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Someone came in the potted fern
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
