Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
