She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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