life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
