So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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