you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
