he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
