youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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