ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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