just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
