He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
