I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
