you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
