You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
