OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
