i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize