i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
