Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
