butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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