It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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