I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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