So drunk its hurt
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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