Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
