I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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