tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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