Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
