I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
