break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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