So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
