There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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