I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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