I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
