In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize