Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
