I think my fart just growled at me.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
