We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I had to cum in my sink.
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