My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I need a hoe opinion
go on
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
