i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
