If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize