It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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