how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
