When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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