you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
