Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
