She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
