I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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