Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
