Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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