peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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