the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
no more duck duck goose at the bar
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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