im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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