a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize