Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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