Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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