I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
