she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
