This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
