69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
