Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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