yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You know, be my cock's hype man.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
