I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
