He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize