this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
