well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
