I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
