Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
