He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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