My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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