when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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