tell your sister to shave her snatch
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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