okay pat passed out under dana's car
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
