I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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