We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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